| A daughter not worth having |
[ | |
12.6.09 - 12.07pm
| | ] |
Thanks to xf, and probably football, I slept at 3am for the first time in ages. I mean, I've been sleeping at midnight or the latest, 1am. Wow right.
School is evil.
Why else to wake up at 6.30am on a freakin Saturday morning?
Which I did yesterday, and then as soon as lesson was over I was back home in my bed, sleeping my ass off. Until I woke up brilliantly at the right time, enough to bathe and then meet the rest.
Half of xf were 1hr late. -_- MEH.
Good thing I had to go find a stupid ATM. I've been rushing for trains and stuff that I miss all the ATMs conveniently located at the train station. And Central didn't friggin have a bloody UOB ATM hence I dragged the 2 on-time birds to Liang Court to draw $.
Meh.
There is a funny energy in this world. It's called KARMA. Person who steals my crops AND FRUITS regularly on country story had her MAGIC FRUITS stolen this morning. Must be painful. If she is the religious little brat we all know she is, she's prolly in church now. Thanks to Jesus, her magic fruits are going to rot.
I don't think anyone dares to steal my fruits now. No sirrrr. Well besides Mavis Chan who is trying to organise a mass stealing session but spas is too lazy to do it so it's just her. Crystal so will not add the app just for that.
There aren't a lot of things that fire me up so much I spew vulgarities so these people simply must get that out of me. AIYOYO. KARMA OK.
Anyway I marvel at myself. It's so amazing how I manage to do a whole lot of shit alone. I mean, I never expected myself to be able to, given that I think I spent most of my conscious years in a relationship. The past year and a half has been all about groping in the dark for me but now I'm coming to terms with doing everything alone it's actually enjoyable. That's conditioning for you.
My stupid brother is a pussy. He likes to bring a mattress over to my mum's room to sleep and is super close to her. And then the mother doesn't think and likes to compare my closeness with her. JEEEEZ. When will she realise that she bloody fuckin raised me to be this way. Growing up, I was kinda the middle child. Having a lousy fuckin stepfather didn't really help much. All he cared about was his own fuckin son while she cared about her own son. Where did I come in man. Duh I got independent and was trained to look out a lot for myself because no one else seemed to be doing that for me.
In the midst of that, those 2 losers of brothers called me things like selfish. -_-
And now she's complaining I'm not close enough to her. When she tries to get close now it makes my hair stand and I'll pull away. It's just me. I'm like that. I don't think anything can mend or change our relationship. I value my privacy and I hate her poking her nose into my affairs. I don't need her to know every single fuckin friend of mine just like she know my brother's. I'd like to keep these things separate.
This is probably the reason why she'll never understand me and I will never be close to her. I mean, I don't want to. The thought of it is extremely discomforting. I'd rather be alone my whole life than to have her in it, more than just being the one whose poon I crawled out from. That's honestly the only connection I have with her. Emotionally, I really could do without a mother. I haven't had a decent and proper father. I think I can do without the other parent.
She told me she cries at times when she's alone at home. Brother at army huh.
I'll tell you how I feel when I'm alone at home. I'm too busy celebrating to do anything productive. No one to come into my room and nag this and that. I have complete freedom. I can walk around in my freakin underpants and who's to care? I love that freedom and it rarely happens.
I get the feeling that no one will completely understand me. Maybe I'm weird or something.
Who hates their own mother?
|
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| ZUNE MY WORLD (SOON) |
[ | |
12.4.09 - 11.36am
| | ] |
First of all, Happy Birthday Mavis Chan!
You were the last person I'd expect to ask people out to go mambo, that is, if I disregard Crystal Chin.
December is the month of giving. Oh yes. I've taken Mav's initiative and got myself something too. ahahaha.
Should have done it eons ago~
YES. MY ZUNE HD.
That no one else in SGP will have~~~~
While I just simply refuse to put $ in SG economy. It is enough spending on food and transport already. I'll re-route shopping to overseas. Makes me happier.
Being so small means things like Amazon's kindle ain't coming over till much much later.
And the shopping trends here are so similar it sucks being anyone who wants to be different.
When things like Uniqlo come over, I stop buying. The novelty is gone.
I guess the only thing I won't mind someone else having is anything Arsenal. That's it. And handphone. I think handphones are stupid. After a while, the whole world has your stupid phone because there aren't a lot in the market anyway. 3G services are pretty lame as well coz I can't recall when was the last time I made a video call or sent an important email via my phone. Emails are a load of junk if you don't have an important job. If you do though, you kinda would already have a net book, instead of typing on your tiny phone. I mean, I was bored at school and using my wi-fi to check my mail and all I was reading were Arsenal newletters. Geez.
My earphones have malfunctioned.
What is the world coming to? I thought my Altec Lansing headphones broke the 6-month curse. My first in-ears. Fabulous in-ears. I got spoilt by them and now I'm using that spare Altec Lansing one and the difference in sound quality is vast. Only when you've had good earphones will you realise that the previous one was crap. I'm always pissed as hell when things like this happen. Now I can't live without in-ears. The mother has a habit of starting to nag the second I reach home. Hell, it's always like she's listening for the door to open and now that I'm living in a 4-rm flat instead of a mansionette we're all on the same level and instinctively, her door will open when I open the main door and it all starts. Every night. So having in-ears means that I don't hear a thing and the music is goood.
Need new in-ears. I don't think I'll be getting Sennheiser again. It brought back the 6-month curse.
|
|
| awesome sauce |
[ | |
12.2.09 - 1.57pm
| | ] |
I thought I saw a French Horn.
I'm prolly really slow to discover such an awesome song now but it's all thanks to SYTYCD.
Which will so totally be removed from youtube soon.
( Your Ex-Lover Is Dead )
And yes, as you can see, my week in hell is over~~~ There are a lot of bad feelings that remain but I'll save them for later. In the meantime, I'm doing all sorts of nonsense and I'm happy to be able to. I think I'll go watch Mulan later. Yes. By myself. I hope it's not retarded to watch movies alone. I kinda enjoy it many many. Hopefully by the time I get back tonight I'll have SYTYCD top 10 already to watch.
Anyway, I realised that a wii is only $349 right now. WTF. That sucks because now I have to choose. Zune HD or wii????? If I want the platinum Zune then it's like more expensive than a wii. And a wii isn't complete without good games. Maybe the price will drop further (ahaha). I'm like supposed to study anyway. A Zune won't be distracting because it's a media player, not so much a game. There ain't bubble wrap on it. I think it's pretty retarded to even play that game, much more with 8 fingers. I don't buy PPH's theory of not cheating by playing with 2.
In the Zune HD vs itouch war, I'm always going to be a Zune fan.
Simply because.
ZUNE HD IS NOT AVAILABLE IN SINGAPORE.
While the rest of the world is digging apple I'm with Microsoft. Every corner I turn, some nub has an iphone or itouch (no disrespect to ah kat). I'm not patronising friggin Apple anymore after I paid half a thousand (548 to be exact) for the 5th gen Ipod which sucks. Hell, even if I tried to sell it now it ain't worth a fuckin shit. My first mp3 player is a piece of nonsense. I'm so off the apple bandwagon.
And my zune battery is pure awesome. I mean, 24 hours! The specs on ipods say the same thing but srsly, apple batt is nonsense. Battery is important to me because nothing can function when it's low on batt, no matter how glamourous the object is. It's like the bare minimum.
Kay. Off to gym. I feel so faaaaaaaaaat.
|
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| drama. the good kind. |
[ | |
12.1.09 - 10.19pm
| | ] |
I'll tell you what's amazing.
All this time, I never thought my family will ever be protective of me. Ahaha.
And indeed, they are. Like wow. I mean, it's pretty darn late I realised like now, but hey, better late than never.
I normally don't like them meddling with my affairs but they srsly rocked my socks on this one.
If there were anyone who could give the person making use of me a piece of their mind, it would be my family. They're so full of drama.
I think I am damn drama as well. Should meet my family. If I'm 50% above the normal person's drama-ness rating, then my entire family will be at least 200% more.
At least it's all for a good cause. And it feels good to have people fighting for me. Feeeeeeeeeeels sooooooooooooo goooooooooooooooooood. I'm practically enjoying the show ya know.
How unexpected.
Maybe it's all down to me being extremely lovable ahahahahahaha. Or just blood is simply thicker than water, an old cliche that will never get old.
What a way to start December. Just when it was all shitty in November, things certainly look a lot better with the new month starting.
And I realised I too will be away for Chin Ying Ying's birthday. At least last year I wasn't coz I only joined kat after her donno what winter camp. Otherwise I would have seen first hand some dude walking around only in tight fitting long johns. I mean, every time I see long johns at Uniqlo I think of that obscenity I never got to see and most probably cringe at.
I miss Korea. It's winter! Going Bangkok. For like, 2 days. How retarded is that. Anyone who has shopped aplenty in Hong Kong and heavenly Korea will totally not enjoy shopping in Bangkok. I can close my eyes and imagine Myeongdong right now where I'm just coming up from the subway exit and it's such a pleasant sight.
Ah Kat can prolly join me in Seoul withdrawal. I can't believe I just went there like 3 months ago in Sept.
Can't wait for 2010 to come. There isn't much reflection to do like the past few years. Oh yeah, become and better person and such. I'll always be me and all and I don't keep my new year resolutions so it's better to not make them at all. This year's been a real testing one and I'm just glad to see the back of it. I'll be welcoming freakin 2010 and then my exams and when June comes it's going to be a fuckin Jubilee. My aunt really wants to go to Seoul and if Ah Kat and Ah Steak wants to go too I'll be spending at least 3 weeks in Korea~~~ Fucking good things to look forward to. Fucking good motivation to get that exam over and done with as best as I can so that I can enjoy my vacation with uber ease.
And since CYY is like leaving next week, should we actually celebrate her birthday before she goes? Sivam already gave herself a big birthday present so we don't have to do anything for her ahahaha.
|
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| roller coaster on the downward stretch eternally |
[ | |
11.30.09 - 1.54pm
| | ] |
What a shitty week. November has been shitty beyond all reasons.
Most of it is down to me but srsly. What the hell.
I've been so angry at a lot of things I have no control of.
Or I should have had control of.
And the brother is some weak shit who keeps taking MC. He extended his long weekend by 2 days. I mean, srsly. At first it was all oh I miss him. Now that I'm used to him not around I dread weekends when he is.
If you hate someone, it doesn't go away.
I'm so sick of everything.
|
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| D & G |
[ | |
11.26.09 - 1.06am
| | ] |
I look like I am hiding but indeed, I am not. I have limited computer time man.
Anyway, since I don't use the computer much, I've been leaving it on.
And before New freakin Moon opens here in SGP, I have it.
So. I don't suppose you peeps want to come over and watch a lousy (but free) version to continue the tradition, except that this time, PPH joins!
I've read a novel about the end of the world. 3rd book of a trilogy. One which no one else seems to share my excitement. I've been waiting for this danm book for at least a year now. And then I watched 2012. Can't say that my view on life is grim. Or, I just want to world to end. Like now.
It's back to being tired of living huh. Or I get this feeling every once in a while. Every story seems to have a happy ending and I'm a huge sucker for happy endings but I don't see mine anywhere. Boo.
I'm being tortured everyday in my head by the forces around me. It's like dooooom and gloooom. Doom and freakin gloom.
I shall indulge more in self-loathing. Seems like a process I can't seem to shake.
|
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| I'm still an idiot |
[ | |
11.23.09 - 12.34am
| | ] |
Waaaayyyy to go.
I have a life. Like srsly. 2 movies in 2 weeks. And my November phone bill is here. 800 minutes on the phone? srsly?
And I am not in a relationship. How odd. I guess the number of smses is the more telling bit. I don't really sms these days as you can see.
Anyway, it's been so long since I've been watching movies. Well I think movie nights are a couples thing. Still think so. 2012 was actually quite good. Maybe it's because we all go into the theatre thinking that the world will so not end in 2012 realistically, expecting something rubbish and in the end they did have some grounds for it. Another end of the world show for you. I thought it was rather atheistic in nature. srsly. A setting where even God can't help you.
The other show I watched last week was Amelia. Well. A biopic. I thought it was pretty good. Except that it was quite boring. If I ever were made into a biopic I'd imagine it to be funny, except that there would be no reason to make a movie or write a book about my life. My life is....just my life. Life's like this.
I've come to a point where I think my jokes aren't funny anymore. I think I've grown too damn cynical and most things I'd rather not care about.
November's coming to an end. I kinda hate the end-year period sometimes really, for reasons that shouldn't be. Like c'mon, it's Christmas. Favourite season of the entire year. Except that 2 weeks before Christmas something always comes. Did it have to be exactly 2 weeks? I mean, in Love Actually, their stories actually started 2 weeks before Christmas. Sometimes things just seem like it's all meant to be but they're just coincidences.
I get too broody at this time of the year. Think too much of the person I shouldn't even be thinking about. Then realising that so much time has past and I'm still not over the person yeah, while she's a million miles away.
Things change, life changes, life goes on even if I didn't want it to. There is no more sadness. I'm probably in a place where I know exactly what I want but it's just no good pursuing it.
It was someone's birthday today. 2 people in fact. And I lugged 2 birthday cakes all the way to the west. Hah. And then I realised, 29 November is 6 months after my 22nd birthday. I mean, I'm 22 and a half. Do I feel any different? I don't think so. 6 months older. It's a load of crap. Maturity coming with age? Is bullshit too. I don't feel any different from 2 years ago. I'm still the same old, same old.
6 months, a year, a decade. What difference does it make. Maybe I'll always be this way.
Maybe if the world did come to an end I'd embrace it with open arms. Crash on me tsunami.
|
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| geeeeeeeeeez amelia? |
[ | |
11.16.09 - 12.35am
| | ] |
I watched Amelia.
Wah lau. srsly. Lol. Another biopic. I don't like biopics. A sad one at that. Moooooo.
Should have watched 2012 but it on the no free list ahaha. OH wells. Free movie.
So. xf kinda mugged together. It was funny. Like I thought it was impossible. I can't rmb the last time before this that we all mugged together.
Oh k. 500 days of summer was the last movie I watched before this one. I need to break the bad movie streak BADLY.
I'm going to watch HUA MU LAN. ahahaha.
|
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| thanks be to God and my lucky stars for not receiving a pandan cake |
[ | |
11.14.09 - 10.47am
| | ] |
Oh yes. Happy Birthday Poo Poo Head.
I still can't figure out why pandan cake but ya. Pandan cake. And you being the fully appreciative friend was pretend happy (even though it's Pandan cake).
Or so I think.
I somehow am thankful I got a brownie cake instead ahahahahahaha.
These things the 2 evil ones will only do to you.
I have never been so thankful in my life.
Oh you know we all love you many many. X many many. :D
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| I need my SYTYCD fix now. |
[ | |
11.12.09 - 2.13pm
| | ] |
Everytime I go to Jurong, it rains.
Everytime I go to the gym, it rains too.
Meh. I am so not the bringer of rain. I'd rather be the bringer of doom. Except that I already think I am.
Okay. Nina kat called when I was at the gym and I didn't bring my handphone along. Who does. I'm a strictly bathe at home kind of person (even after swimming) so there's no need to lug all my barang along. And I called kat last night because she was unresponsive on MSN but in fact, while we all thought she was appearing offline, she actually didn't sign into MSN. Geez.
And I called her and she didn't pick up last night. And she called me and I didn't pick up. We clearly do not like each other.
She concluded that I'm biased against Malay people, when in fact, her race is Indonesian. Another fact which reminds me of pph's reaction to Nina's IC. I mean, srsly. I might as well change my race to Korean. I'm not yellow and I have small eyes.
So. all I do at the gym is run on the treadmill. It's for spoilt people who actually do not want to run distance distance. And it's cleaner. No dust or whatever nonsense we are exposed to the open air. Except that I try really hard to run 2.4 under 14 minutes but it's near impossible. Can I conclude that it doesn't exactly measure distance correctly? I mean, I'm taking like 16 minutes or so at my usual pace. Damn machines. I might just go run on the track next week instead to test my hypothesis. The only stupid thing is that I need to wear a digital watch. Which I don't have or had, since I misplaced it somewhere unsearchable.
It's been just half a year of moving into my new place and I'm so settled, it's a bad thing. Being settled means living in a complete and utter mess of a room with everything lying everywhere. Not to mention a bigger room that my old one effectively meaning that there are more spaces for my rubbish to be collected. Too many corners. My bags are everywhere. And then I only rotate between 2 bags. I am amazing. I have tons of things but I only use the usual few. Just like my clothes. I think I wear the same bloody thing every damn day. HMMM.
And yes, I've been watching How I Met Your Mother. It took 6 months of nagging from my bro to start. And I started last week. I'm finishing season 3. I should never start new shows. It's legendary. I'll catch up in no freakin time and then it's wait and wait and wait every week for the next episode. Speaking of which, Glee episode 9 is out. Ever since I bought a new media player for my room to hook to my TV it's been legen-wait for it-dary. TV all day. Wow. And it's a HDMI player and what a difference it makes to the quality. I think I have too many luxuries at home. Now, all I need is a logitech universal remote since I have too many remote controls. Too many.
Anyway. I think I lost 500 grams since last week. hahahaha. srsly. Well according to the weighing scale, I did.
|
|
| gloating in the face of trouble |
[ | |
11.11.09 - 10.36pm
| | ] |
The drama continues. Even though I am not working, loads of drama still happen.
GEEZ.
Not that I care. Just fuck it yeah. ~~~
The brother has his passing out parade coming up and he has a 10-day break so he's dragging the mother and my aunt and uncle to Bangkok, along with his GF. Um srsly. I showed them the jetstar prices which are pretty high and recommended SQ. I mean, screw budget flights. They're like super fucking lame when the cost savings from going no frills isn't a lot.
Might as well enjoy SQ. No need to pay $3 for a teeny weeny bottle of h2O that's Evian which tastes weird.
One big happy family, minus me. Lol. srsly. I should throw multiple parties at my house. It's like a pre-Christmas party. I'm thinking of getting a tree. I haven't decorated a tree in ages. Except that a tree wouldn't be a tree without the presents below. I think over the years, I've just out-grown present exchange. It's pointless to waste money on useless things. No one will ever give me what I want ahaha. Neither will I reciprocate.
The PSP flashed in my mind and I shall ignore that thought.
I want to go Ikea and buy a lot of stuff. It's pretty lame to go tomorrow. I have skool from like 7pm-10pm. At Clementi. I can imagine how miserable I'll be by the end of tomorrow. OR, it might be thoroughly refreshing to have night classes since I'm more awake at night. It's a goooood theory to test.
I'm amazed at the amout of photos I have. I mean, I never bothered with the previous family camera, which by the way, sucks. And then I got my dslr and I have a lot of shit to develop and I developed the first batch of photos from like the past year since I got it and it's like wooooow. A good camera does make a difference. And I took a picture of an old photo of my mum and me at a year or so old. I forgot to ask if I could walk already. I assume I could. And I blew it up to 8R and it's like awesome. ANd I'm so fucking cute I have to say it.
I need a way to display all my priceless photos in my room. It'll be an awesome photo room for everything that makes me happy.
Minus the part where I was browsing my HK photos of last year and it was utterly depressing. I got reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fat. I weighed myself recently and it's not paranoia. It's reflected on the reading. I'm thinking at least 5-6 kgs more. That's not an exaggeration. Gawd. I think it's the shitloads I've been eating. I mean, everywhere I go I order the bigger bowl with more noodles or more rice. it's never a $2.50 plate but $3. At least 50 cents worth more of carbs. And more suppers and less exercise and tons of buffets.
Iz dead. It's so easy to put on and so difficult to lose.
AND THEN.
The depression was completely over when I saw van's pics from our HK trip. Never ceases to amuse. I still laugh at them, one year on and no one understands why. I heart you so much man.
In other news, I bought Tony Parson's new book. Popular had it at 20% off bahahahha. No need to wait for stinkin MPH or Times or Borders to have sale. Who needs those idiots when you have POPULARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. You can't beat 20 fucking percent off for a new book. No fucking way. The most MPH and Times will go is 15% off for Christmas. SCREW YOU. The cheapo yet needo got her fix at 20% off.
At this point, if you don't think I am insane, you're not normal.
Tony Parsons, Starting Over.
It'll be so lame if I finished the book, like in 1 day. It's one of the thinnest book he's written.
And when I'm done with this, I'm still crazily anticipating Matthew Reilly's Five Greatest Warriors which is due to be out 5th Jan fucking 2010. Australians. They fucking want exclusivity in their little continent. It was out last month down under and the rest of the world waits for 5th Jan. It's feels damn fucking shitty long because a fucking load of nonsense can happen between now and next bloody year dayuuuuuuuum.
And nobody else knows my pain. At least nobody I know or nobody I'm in contact with. ahaha.
P.S. the bro's gf will be going to the sad racist country of Australia to further her studies next year. I don't know if he has came to terms with it but I'm pretty sure he's going to cry his eyes out at the airport and at least for the first few months of being apart. I'm not sure if they're going to do the long distance thing or break up but I do hope they'll stay together. Besides, I don't think she wants to hook up with the locals. They're like 3rd class ang mohs who think they're the best kind of ang moh. Superiority amongst ang mohs eh?
Should try dating some living in Tuas. That'll count as long distance enough. Except that I don't think there are hot girls in Tuas. Maybe some hot manager of the shell plant. Oh wait, that's Jurong island.
|
|
| damn you, adrenaline |
[ | |
11.10.09 - 2.14am
| | ] |
Cranky mood is overrrrrrrr.
Boy am I happy, for myself.
So. I finished my homework. The one I've been putting off for like 2 weeks until the deadline loomed, i.e. tomorrow. Normally I would just say fuck it and let it pass but somehow I did it. The choice to do or not to do was really a huge 50-50. I still don't know why I did it. Hmm.
I crave peanut butter. Lots and lots of it. I might be the one who'll eat one whole tub of it and live to tell.
Doing homework gives me adrenaline. These days, a whole lot of shit give me adrenaline. And then I can't sleep, which is precisely why I am here now. This kinda sucks. A lot. After running on adrenaline your body tends to be more tired than usual so the recovery time is more than normal.
I don't think I have a sleep problem. I have a problem sleeping early but I sleep a lot. Despite having bad dreams. I'll remember them at random points in my day and then forget them again. Jee.
Okay so I haven't celebrated yet. Coz PPH's birthday's coming up, and I have lecture on Thursday evening, I am so not working at all this week. I need to rejoice. One week off. Happy happy joy joy.
Off to try to zzz.
|
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| crank it up. |
[ | |
11.9.09 - 6.21pm
| | ] |
I am cranky. Or beyond cranky. My head is heavy, I don't sleep well, and I almost want someone to do the Arizona and the kid thing, you know, the extremely retarded:
"bad dreams bad dreams go away"
"good dreams good dreams here to stay"
It's retarded but it's on a TV show. It didn't work for the kid though. He died.
Do people get bad dreams after they die?
Death always look like a very good solution. Put simply, it's the easy way out. I kinda want to believe in rebirth but it's a nonsense concept. If I had to live my life again I would want to be aware of everything that happened as a consequence of a bad choice. Otherwise, knowing me, I'll make the same mistakes all over again it's not funny and not worth going through it again.
As it is now, I feel like I am wallowing in my own shit. Yes. Tons of it. I have never really been the kind of person who lives with regrets but I sure am turning into one. Like. Ya. It sucks.
I blame being cranky. Being cranky is baaaaaaaaaad. No goooood.
|
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| you must be kidding me. |
[ | |
11.7.09 - 9.04pm
| | ] |
These days, I get worked up at everything.
I hate work really. Like utterly hate it, yet out of resposibility for Godknowswhat, I have to see it out till the new year. If I never had to work another day there I would be so happy but it's not meant to be. The least I have to go is till January.
And I hate being at the bottom of the food chain where every fucking thing is my fault.
And the brother wets the entire bathroom floor and my mother, my mother, still can ask if I was the one.
OH FUCK BLOODY HELL NO.
I mean. Even the cat downstairs knows that I FUCKING HATE wet bathroom floors. FUCKING FUCKING HATE IT. So bloody fucking DUH I won't wet the floor.
That got me so mad. I mean, this is the mother who totally thinks she knows me very well.
Apparently not.
Absolutely not.
It's the fucking bathroom floor. I fucking hate it wet. How many times do I have to repeat myself.
When will she realise that the brother fucking loves to wet it?
I really hate stepping all over water that has dripped off his body. It disgusts me to the fucking core. And last night, he even left his weiner hair as a souvenir.
The reason why he's back is because that fellow had a 39.4 degree fever. The army sent him home. How convenient. They do not possess a fucking sick bay or have the common sense to send him to the hospital. 39.4 damnit. He could become even stupider than he already is. Do they not want to pay his medical bills with govt $? Anyway, he got another 2-day extention hence has enjoyed a very long weekend (wed-sun) before booking in tomorrow. That's a luxury for anyone in bloody BMT but I don't think I'd wish a 39.4 degree fever upon myself to get out of anything. As it is now, I have limited brain cells and I'm utterly nuts already so yeah.
Being in army means sleeping early and waking up early. Being at home means sleeping late and waking up later.
And he has been coming into my room at 8am every morning since being granted that little hiatus. It drove me nuts, but then again, it's kinda adorable. Who knew he would miss his sister that much. Enough to buy me a mug.
Thursday morning was the first and the worst of it since yours sincerely religiously follows Arsenal Football Club. The game ended at like 5.45am.
srsly.
The people around me have no sense at all.
Anyway, someone did talk sense into me and my emotional state is once again, returning to excellent. Although I drive myself crazy from time to time. It is to be expected. When my internet at home dies on me, displaying 'DNS NOT FOUND' I expolde. That is purely and entirely Starhub's fault since the Domain Server Name is kinda from the shitload of them. I will die without internet.
I've been looking at myself and what I am becoming and I think I am getting weirder. Like I have strange practices. And a shorter fuse. I have zero tolerance for a lot more things (cue wet bathroom floor) and I explode at practically everything.
It's work I tell you. I fucking hate it.
And yes, I'm still in the mood to hide. I don't feel like going out and meeting people. I don't feel like seeing new faces. I don't feel like doing a lot of things. I'm at a point where I don't have anything I want to do at all. Angsty sia.
I really need to vent.
|
|
| waiting for 2009 to end. |
[ | |
11.5.09 - 7.28am
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Glee is my happy place.
And there has been no Glee for a fortnight. Meh.
I can't go back to sleep. Woke up for football, watched it, and am sleepless. And damn blardy hungry.
This week really really really sucks a lot. It's like going through the worst patch of my life...yet. A life of ups and downs is completely human. Apparently.
I got slapped in the face at least twice this week.
For now, I am going to put Glee's Sombody To Love on repeat.
I miss Korea. Land of good yoghurt and no emotional baggage.
Pardon me while I retreat into my shell once more. It's the only way I recover.
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| I regret the haircut many many. |
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11.3.09 - 12.16am
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Meh.
I just got a damn retarded haircut just because I was feeling stressed by everything. You see, when I am stressed and bothered, I chop off hair. Except that this time, I didn't get to savour any after effect.
MEH
is the word.
School is crazy. Or at least I am driving myself crazy. I mean, I have an assignment due in a week's time and I'm trying to write the perfect essay. And then I need to do my notes, because I learn best when I do my own notes. I need things my way all the time. It's called OCD. There is so much OCD in many aspects of my life. Boo. Unnecessary stress I'd say.
And then there is work.
It's sickening. Really sickening. Not that I'm ill-treated or what. I want to not work. I'm pretty over this job by now with all the extra politics I have to deal with. And being the bloody backup everytime someone has something else more important to do.
It's as though my time isn't as important as yours, you know.
moomoo people.
It's been a crazy shit day, this 2nd of November. I didn't know friends can break up with each other. Like literally, say it. -__- Like haaaaaay, I don't want to be your friend anymore. Let's break up and go our separate ways. If a couple breaks up and then stays friends, then what happens to broken up friends?
Not all broken up couple stay friends though. Heh.
Okay. I slept at 5 am ytd morn and got up at 10 to go to the gym. That's crazy in itself. I mean sleeping at 5. Starhub is nonsense. I couldn't find my DNS and had no internet at 4 am, sending distress all over. Yes. One of the reasons why I went to chop off some hair. I would die without the net. It drove me nuts too. I am going to zzzzz.
School tomorrow. Tired beyond all reasons.
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| of shopping habits and preferences |
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10.29.09 - 12.47am
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A notebook fetish is extremely expensive to feed I realised.
And I went hunting for nice notebooks to draw my emaculate mind maps for my subjects.
In the end, the massive cheapo settled for plain black notebooks. I like the Ugrade sketch books but somehow, friggin POP @ central, the flagship store of Popular, did not have any red ones. MEH. I have to get them from Tampines Mall. I don't really like that popular. Such a huge lack of choices, yet it has what I want. Boo.
Of course, there are the alternatives. And then I got dragged into scrapbook shops and they're like super expensive can. The mother already got me a 2010 diary so it's highly painful when I saw sweet fantastic looking ones. MOO. I can't give up the SIA one coz I've already jotted in my schedule for next year inside. And the mother got it specially for me. Hence. Die die also must use, or i die X many many.
This is the whole problem of people who care and get me stuff but I prefer to get them all myself. Love in other areas please. haha.
I mean, sometimes it's better to keep off areas I'm superbly picky at. Diaries and notebooks is one. And then pens. Stationary basically. Then clothes. Hair products. Face products. bags. Electronics.
And then I realised it's probably everything~~~
Hence why people close to me find it difficult to buy stuff for me. A good solution is to not buy. I don't think anyone close to me knows what I want without me saying. My preferences are highly unpredictable, to the point of being weird.
I want a zune hd though. Weighing up the cons of buying it now. It awesome and fantastic but it = $.
Oh look, that's like the only con.
And nothing beats getting it on your own really. No need for sugar people to splash cash.
I do want a new crumpler too. Meh. Limited resources I tell you. That's the main problem. The good thing is, my last crumpler lasted 5 years since I bought it at 17. And I'm still using it. With my proven track record, I deserve another one for more choices. My grey one is getting a bit boring. I kinda like the orange-grey stripey one but I think people think it's ugly. Meh. I like the stripey ones idk why. Red and yellow is baaaaad. All black is boring.
Oh and the last bag I bought was my Nike backpack before Korea last year. And I don't believe in $20 bags. I tend to chuck cheap things aside yeah. Use once and then byebye~
I should stop complaining about other people being high maintenance huh.
And I know 1 person who reads my lj religiously and likes to quote whatever I write here. Hello. I spank you many many.
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| taking joy in the misery other others is increasingly becoming a baaaaaaaad habit |
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10.23.09 - 1.54am
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I am a horrible, terrible person, for delighting in another's misery. I swear.
It's like baaaaad. It's like accumulating baaaaaaaaaad karma to be later inflicted back on me.
So. It's not a good thing to be digging up the EX-files. srsly. Enough with all that nonsense. People need to realise that what is past, is past. You can give yourself time to dwell on it but ultimately, life bloody goes on, whether you like it or not.
Except that it's funny when you deem your ex-bf's new flame to be a skank. That's awesomely hilarious. And I have another friend who defines skanks as girls who go around with their mouths wide open.
Honest to God hilarious.
Aren't those fish.
Geez. I indulge too much in self entertainment. For the most part, it really helps. I mean, how emo can I get now? Unless it's like work or family related. And I bounce back fast. Life has thrown a lot of shit at me and I'm quite sure it's not done yet so I'm still putting myself out there to be hit by the shit and maybe I'll develop super shields to dodge the shit as I go along.
Anyhow, liking someone new is simply choosing to put your feelings and everything out there in the world, naked once again. Not sure I'm thrilled by that feeling.
I have no idea what the hell I want now really. Go get the girl or just remain like this. I'm not sure if I'm completely fit and ready for another relationship. I think letting someone into my life now is pretty difficult. I'm not very into intrusions or getting to know me better because I would have to put myself out there again and I have my own inhibitions.
Besides, I feel nice and whole right now. Don't feel the need to reshuffle my life.
Back to all things hilarous:
boys and masturbation on yahoo answers. Closest we'll get to exploring the benefits of masturbation and the stigma behind it. Obviously the answers are hilarious. Plus, website links. There is a jackinworld.com.
"Masturbation's only ill effect is YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR IT. lol. If you really believe that, fair enough - but that's the only bad thing that's going to happen ;)
Source(s):
God told me. Haahaha"
Enjoy.
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theleftwinger's journal